A grieving daughter from the Kiama LGA has shared her final moments with her mother, who completed the voluntary assisted dying (VAD) process last year.“The family had a lovely last day together, and my mum was in very good spirits considering everything — smiling and engaging, even laughing at times,” she recalls. “It was pre-decided by my mum that we would hug and say goodbye and then leave less than an hour before the VAD took place.”At that point, her mum was given a sedative before the final procedure was completed.“It was quite odd to see her alive and chatting, and then to know that less than an hour later she was gone,” she says. “The doctor came to the house afterwards and asked if we’d like to go back and see her. It was very confronting and sad, but she looked very peaceful, and it did provide some closure.”She believes much about the process is misunderstood — and that she had to set aside her own beliefs to support the wishes of her mother, who had cancer.“My late father, who was very religious, believed very strongly that VAD was against God’s law and that only God could decide such things,” she says. “I did have mixed feelings about it.”Seeing the experience up close has changed her perception, particularly in response to criticism that death is being made too “easy”. For her mother, the process involved a series of doctors’ visits, and multiple doctors had to assess her eligibility.The family were told that if their mum fell into a coma, the procedure could not go ahead. “She must be able to say yes, even if it’s a nod or a thumbs up,” she recalls. “One of the things I’m grateful for is that my mother, while in a lot of pain, went on her own terms and in her own time, with everything sorted out for her family and before things became too awful for her.”VAD has been legal in NSW since 28 November 2023.According to data from the NSW Voluntary Assisted Dying Board, 2295 people in the state made a first request in the 12 months between 1 July 2024 and 30 June 2025 and 2146 people had a first assessment, with 1028 patients completing the process.Of those who had a first assessment, the most common age bracket was 70–79 (33.5 per cent), with only 0.2 per cent in the youngest age bracket (18–29). In Regional NSW, 1449 patients had a first assessment for VAD during this period — a 128 per cent increase on data from the previous year.Doctors across the state have expressed concerns about the VAD laws, primarily around the complexity of the legislation, pressure on the medical profession, and the potential for coercion.Despite these concerns, many in the medical community support the framework as a compassionate option for patients experiencing extreme pain.As of 30 June 2025, a total of 316 medical practitioners met the qualifications to provide VAD in NSW, according to the board’s second annual report.A local medical practitioner told The Bugle it is vital that people in regional areas have access to end-of-life options. Despite offering VAD, they were unable to comment on the record.There are concerns about potential backlash against medical practitioners from anti-VAD campaigners — similar to the backlash faced by abortion clinics.Those who have watched a loved one die — either naturally or by choice — say stigma shuts down important conversations and adds to the pain of grieving families.Grief coach and former lawyer Stephanie Duran specialises in supporting families through VAD, drawing on her own life-altering experience. At 53, she was widowed when her husband, Jeff, chose to end his life during the final stages of cancer.“As someone who supported my husband Jeff in his decision to die with dignity, I understand how layered and complex this experience can be,” she told The Bugle.“Assisted dying is not just a medical decision; it’s emotional, relational, spiritual and deeply human.”In her new memoir, Because I Loved You, she chronicles the couple’s journey through terminal illness and Jeff’s end-of-life decision.She believes the biggest misconception about VAD is that it is an easy way out. “There is nothing easy about this decision. It is typically made after prolonged suffering and exhaustive treatment.”Her advice to loved ones?“There is no correct emotional response after assisted dying,” she says. “Grief is deeply personal and often complicated by the circumstances. Beforehand, the countdown can feel surreal and traumatic. Afterwards, there can be societal judgement or silence. Just remember grief and relief can live together, side by side.”Under the legislation, NSW Health is required to commence a review into the Voluntary Assisted Dying Act. To submit feedback, visit health.nsw.gov.au/voluntary-assisted-dying.
